Tue01232018

LAST_UPDATE10:36:08 AM

Idiotic Lawyer

The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father's firm.  At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father's office and said, "Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you've been working on for so long!"  His father yelled, "You idiot! We've been living on the funding of that case for ten years!" (st) ..
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An intelligent thief

Mr. Grey had a nice shop in the main street of a small town. He sold jewellery, watches, clocks and other things like those. All went well for some years, and then Mr. Grey's shop was broken into at night twice in a month, and a lot jewellery was stolen each time. The police had still not managed to catch the thief three weeks later. So Mr. Grey decided that he would try to do something about it. He, therefore, bought a camera, fixed it up in his shop so that it would photograph anyone who broke in ..
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A careless teacher

A history teacher was talking to his class about the ancient Romans "They were very strong, brave people and they were good soldiers", he said. "They always wanted to have strong bodies, so they played a lot of games" "Did they like swimming?", one of the girls asked. "That makes people's bodies strong". She was very good at swimming. "Oh, yes, some of them swam a lot", the teacher answered. Then he told them a story about one famous Roman. "There was a big, wide river in the middle of Rome", he said. "It was the Tiber, and his man swam across ..
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Parrot buying

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars".  "Why does the parrot cost so much?" the customer asks. The owner says, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."  The customer asks about the next parrot and is told "That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system."  Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and is told ..
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Faithfull

After having died, a couple souls flied to the heaven gate, St.Pierre opened the door and informed that for one time of unfaithfulness to each other in their life they will be prod by a needle.After being prod 5 times, the wife turned to ST.Poerre and asked:“Where is my husband?”“He is lying on the sewing-machine table” St.Pierre replied. ..
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The Bride wore white

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”“Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life,” her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why’s the groom wearing black?” ..
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The differences between WIFE and GIRLFRIEND

Cu Ti wrote to his Daddy: What are the differences between WIFE and GIRLFRIEND, Dad?     His Daddy replies: My dear, Wife is a TV. Girl friend is a HandPhone. At home watch TV. Go out, bring HandPhone. No money, sell TV. Got money, change HandPhone. Sometimes enjoy TV, but most of the time play with HandPhone. TV is free for life. But HandPhone, if you don’t pay, services will be TERMINATED!!! But you should be careful with both, my dear son! ..
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Prospective student of agriculture

The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked.              "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied.              "Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed.              "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it."  ..
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HE IS MY FUTURE BROTHER- IN- LAW

The Referee of a loosing Football team was seriously criticizing a player. - Why, when you were face to face with the Goalkeeper and only eleven meters from the goal, didn't you shoot straight into theopposingteam'sgoal?Everyonecouldseethatyou deliberately kicked the ball out. -Yeah!... Please sympathize with me because that team's Goalkeeper is my future brother- in- law. ..
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Three Sons

Three proud mothers are discussing their eight-year-old sons. "I just know my little Johnnie is going to be an engineer," said the first. "Whenever I buy him a toy, he tears it apart to see what makes it work"The second said, "I'm so proud of Freddie, I just know he's going to be a fine lawyer. He argues with the other kids all the time""No question about it", said the third mother, "little Harold is destined to be a doctor, Why, he never comes when I called him!" ..
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My Daughter's Music Lessons

"My daughter's music lessons are worth a fortune to me!"  "How is that ?"  "They enabled me to buy the neighbors' houses at half price". ..
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Great Mystery

  Newsboy : "Great mystery! Fifty victims! Paper, mister ?"  Passerby : "Here boy, I'll take one." (After reading a moment) "Say, boy, there's nothing of the kind in this paper. Where is it ?"  Newsboy : "That's the mystery, sir. You're the fifty first victim". ..
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